3 surprising lessons after losing a spouse and moving forward in life: 'Still evolving'

New York City-based writer and essayist Warren Kozak, who mislaid his beloved woman to crab connected Jan. 1, 2018, has written "Waving Goodbye: Life After Loss" (Post Hill Press, April 2024), a caller book that describes his wrenching experiences and nan continuing fallout from nan nonaccomplishment of his wife, Lisa Krenzel, his champion friend and mother of their now-grown daughter. 

Not conscionable a individual account, though, his book besides shares tips and inspiration for others.

It addresses specified prudent matters arsenic penning wills, leaving instructions and getting affairs successful bid for bid of mind and nan use of loved ones.

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The book seizes connected a wider reality successful America. 

"Everyone will woody pinch this. Every relationship will extremity this way, astatine immoderate point," he told Fox News Digital —with nan objection of a divorcement aliases separation.

"I ne'er expected to constitute this book. It is different from thing other I've ever written," said author, essayist and journalist Warren Kozak astir "Waving Goodbye," which has conscionable travel out.  (Fox News Digital)

"Have you seen nan numbers?" he said. "There are 3.7 cardinal widowers successful this state and 11.5 cardinal widows correct now," he said. 

"That's 6% of nan organization who person mislaid a spouse," he said, quoting U.S. Census Bureau figures — "and that number is going to skyrocket very soon, arsenic nan babe boomers commencement to return their leave."

Among his takeaways erstwhile it comes to losing a spouse are three: 

1. You deliberation you will cognize really to grip nan decease of your loved one. You whitethorn not.
2. It's wise, while group are good and lucid, to beryllium judge to get personal and financial affairs successful order. It will thief nan family tremendously later on.
3. Yes, clip does heal immoderate wounds. But not completely. Loss tin and will alteration you.

"I ne'er expected to constitute this book. It is different from thing other I've ever written," he said.

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Thanks to a regular diary he says he's been keeping for astir of his big life, Kozak was capable to spell backmost successful clip and refresh himself successful vivid item astir life pinch his woman — some nan bully times and nan very, very difficult times during her unwellness successful her last years, he said.

Lisa Krenzel and Warren Kozak. "After she died," nan New York City-based writer told Fox News Digital, "my encephalon conscionable went retired to luncheon … I couldn't read." He wanted to constitute thing that could beryllium useful to others who mightiness beryllium successful his shoes, either now aliases successful nan future. Dr. Lisa Krenzel died astatine property 60 of a uncommon humor crab that coiled up destroying her heart.  (Courtesy Warren Kozak)

After she passed away, "people brought books" to him successful an effort to beryllium helpful, he said.

"Most of them were written successful a very world style, by psychologists, grief counselors, clergy" and others. 

As well-intentioned arsenic those gifts were, he recovered those books astir nonaccomplishment difficult to read, he said.

"When you spell done a immense trauma," he said, "your encephalon doesn't usability nan measurement it utilized to function." That is not something, he said, that astir group are prepared for aliases deliberation about.

The writer said he received immoderate "amazing" emails while grieving nan nonaccomplishment of his woman — and included immoderate successful nan book because they were "insightful and perceptive."

"And aft she died, my encephalon conscionable went retired to luncheon … I couldn't read."

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As a result, he wanted to constitute thing that could beryllium useful to others who mightiness beryllium successful his shoes either now aliases successful nan future.

"I wrote this book successful a very different way. It's a short book, pinch short chapters. It's arsenic easy to understand arsenic I could perchance write. And I conscionable explained what happened, what worked and what didn't work."

Daughter Claire Kozak is connected nan left; Lisa Krenzel is connected nan right. Author Warren Kozack said that having a girl to proceed to raise helped him enormously aft his wife's passing, arsenic "I had to beryllium nan responsible adult." (Courtesy Warren Kozak)

There were besides immoderate "amazing" emails he received while he was grieving, he said — "and I included a mates of those because I recovered them very insightful and perceptive."

A bully friend of his, successful a connection to him, described nan beingness symptom of nonaccomplishment arsenic good arsenic nan profound wounded successful truthful galore different ways. This friend had besides mislaid his spouse.

"I look normal, but successful 1 very basal way, I americium not."

"It becomes an emotional and psychological scar," his friend wrote. "Life has changed truthful dramatically. There are galore changes successful respect to family, friends … nonaccomplishment of who we are … I astir apt still deliberation of Janet [his ain deceased wife] each time … It's taken maine much than 5 years to get backmost my affectional bearings … I dream you will find immoderate solace. The coiled heals. Let's person lunch. Howard."

Said Kozak, "If you are conscionable going done this process, you're not going to judge it, because I didn't judge it."

The Kozak family. Writes Warren Kozak successful his book, "I still cry, but pinch overmuch little frequency. It's often brought connected by euphony aliases someone's kindness, aliases for reasons I don't understand. Only now, it's much for illustration a sneeze. I tin consciousness it coming on, and nan long is astir nan same." (Courtesy Warren Kozak)

He besides noted, "Things will get amended … And they will get amended successful a measurement you didn't understand."

What helped him get done nan loss, he said, were amazingly rote and applicable actions — among them, "putting connected my socks each day."

He said that having a girl to proceed raising helped him enormously, arsenic "I had to beryllium nan responsible adult."

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He includes this takeaway successful nan book, 5 years aft he mislaid his wife: "To those astir maine — my friends, my colleagues, moreover my girl — I look normal, but successful 1 very basal way, I americium not. The aged maine near pinch my wife. I'm not judge who this caller personification is — I americium still evolving. But I will show you this pinch absolute certainty: I americium not nan aforesaid personification I was earlier my woman died connected Jan. 1, 2018."

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Kozak besides writes movingly successful 1 portion of his book astir his emotions: "Five years on, it still happens. I still cry, but pinch overmuch little frequency. It's often brought connected by euphony aliases someone's kindness, aliases for reasons I don't understand. Only now, it's much for illustration a sneeze. I tin consciousness it coming on, and nan long is astir nan same."

Lisa Krenzel is remembered and celebrated successful "Waving Goodbye," written by her husband. Says nan author, "You still hold for nan sound of nan doorway opening to show you … this isn't really happening."   (Courtesy Warren Kozak)

He added, "Thankfully, this happens little and little each day."

In addition, he shares his Jewish faith and really it helped bring consolation to him successful nan astir trying of times.

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He besides touches connected really exertion — including nan beingness of virtually hundreds of videos and photos of his woman — is impacting nan acquisition of nonaccomplishment coming and people's narration pinch those who time off excessively soon.

"Waving Goodbye" is disposable wherever books are sold, including connected Amazon.

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